When you moved in next door I admired you from afar I loved you from that first moment when you Stepped out of your car I remember the first words you spoke to me when I was Standing out the front You looked in to my eyes and said I fucking hate you cunt! I fucking hate you cunt! I fucking hate you cunt! Yes you did So I asked you why you would be so mean You punched me in the kidneys And then you took my spleen It seems apparent that you mean to do me harm You took out your samurai sword and you cut off both my arms So I wrap my stumps around you in a loving embrace I press my lips to yours While you're slicing off my face ...Love Is An Abattoir... Sometimes I get the feeling that you just want me dead You decapitate me but I'd still give you head Sometimes I wonder why you're causing me such pain But it's hard to wonder anything since you lobotomized my brain ...Love Is An Abattoir... I don't know what I did to you to make you hate my guts You disembowel me, then you made off with my nuts So I'm just sitting here and I'm feeling pretty down You rendered me legless and you ran right out of town ...Love Is An Abattoir... I'd give you my heart But I'm running out of body parts! ...Love Is An Abattoir...

Well I can't pay the rent or pay my bills There don't seem to be an answer to all my ills Collect the next pay cheque and then we'll see That that shit's too expensive for me And that shit's too expensive for me Costs you about a dollar just to take a pee And it'll cost you more to use the back door And that shit's too expensive for me .....Yodel..... And that shit's too expensive around here Cost you 12 dollars to have a beer Forget your cigarettes and smoking weed Cos that shit's too expensive for me Cos that shit's too expensive That shit's too expensive That shit's too expensive for me Well the last federal budget was handed down I've only got a bit of flesh but they'll take a pound Inspect the fine print and you'll agree That that shit's too expensive for me .....Yodel..... Cos that shit's too expensive That shit's too expensive That shit's too expensive For you and you and you And you and you and you And you and you and you And You!

There was a lonesome man called Lonesome Joe He was walking, walking down that lonesome road With his cap on sideways, gold in his smile Pants around his ankles As is the style Meanwhile Unknown to Joe something was creeping in the wild He might have heard, He might have known If he wasn't on his iphone Next thing you know something lunged out at Joe Oh no! Poor Lonesome Joe! Then some people came across poor old Joe They were scared, they didn't know what to do While they were calling for help to get someone who's trained Joe ate their brains What a shame Joe got up and continued on down the road He was thinking about brains, mostly brains you know 'Till he met farmer Jed, who shot him in the head Lonesome Joe is dead Finally dead Lonesome Joe is no mo Poor Lonesome Joe

Got a baby, she's cute, she's sweet But she's not something you're allowed to eat Got a baby, she's real nice But I see the way you look at her With your hungry eyes So please, don't eat my baby Please, don't eat my baby I know you've had a few But you can't put her on the barbeque And please, don't eat my baby Please, don't eat my baby She looks so delectable both barbequed or fried She looks so succulent and nicely oven sized But please, don't eat my baby Please, don't eat my baby Told you you've gotta behave So take her out of the microwave And please, don't eat my baby Please, don't eat my baby I know you want her fricasseed or roasted on a spit Served up with some apple sauce That would really taste the shit! But please, don't eat my baby Please, don't eat my baby Told you once, I told you twice I won't put her down on a bed of rice And please, don't eat my baby Please, don't eat my baby She's only 12 months old, so Why don't you get your meat from Coles! And please, don't eat my baby no no Please, don't eat my baby, no no Please, don't eat my Baby

It's hard to go to work, or the shops Or the old time country dance When you got no pants Cos I got no pants, cos I got no pants I got no pants to call my own these ones I'm wearing are just on loan Cos I got no pants, cos I got no pants When I go outside people point and stare When I go down the street in my underwear Cos I got no pants, cos I got no pants I've had no pants for quite sometime I lost 'em when I was out drinking wine But I can't remember cos I was blind Now I got no pants I got no pants, now I got no pants People say that it's a crime Stealing pants off a washing line Because I got no pants You know I got no pants People say I have no class Walking around showing my ass Because I have no pants Cos I got no pants Then when it gets cold outside And my dick's a fraction of it's normal size It makes them laugh, but it makes me cry Cos I got no pants I got no pants I got no pants

If you've just expired Passed away, fallen off the perch There's a place they take you After carrying you from the church Now I say Down Karrakatta way Down in Karrakatta where the grass is neatly mowed And all the people lay around and decompose Now I say Down Karrakatta way Down in Karrakatta where the weather's just fine And if you want to go there, don't you worry, you've got time You've got a place in the line Down in Karrakatta leave your viagra at the door Cos when you get rigor mortis, you don't need them anymore Cos I say Down Karrakatta way Down in Karrakatta where the necrophilia's rife Why do you think old grampa wanted to be buried with his wife Now I say Down Karrakatta way Down in Karrakatta where the weather's just fine And if you want to go there, don't you worry, you've got time You've got a place in the line The late old Jimmy Wilson used to like a toke Now he's being cremated while his friends inhale the smoke Now I say Down Karrakatta way. Down in Karrakatta they're queuing up to get inside. Instead of six feet under, you'll be more like six feet high! Now I say. Down Karrakatta way Down in Karrakatta where the weather's just fine And if you want to go there, don't you worry, you've got time You've got a place in the line

Here's a story, sad but true About a family we all knew They lived and died on the tv screen They did some things that you've never seen It's the story of a lovely lady Who was bringing up three very lovely girls All of them had hair of gold, like their mother The youngest one in curls It's the story, of a man named Brady Who was busy with three boys of his own They were four men, living all together Yet they were all alone 'Till the one day when the lady met this fellow And they knew that it was much more than a hunch That this group must somehow form a family And that's the way we all became the Brady Bunch The Brady Bunch, the Brady Bunch Mike Brady, he got laid off work, he hit the alcohol He went down to social security But couldn't even get on the dole We never saw him again Just got a bottle, locked himself up in the den Alice just dropped food of at the door And he would never ask for more And the alcohol delivery van pulls up at ten everyday Drops off bottles of scotch at the door And takes the empties away With no money coming in, the kids were hungry They were looking thin Carol Brady had to become a whore You can see her standing by the corner store Then when Marsha got thrown out of school The principal said she was nothing but a fool She got a job in a diner Was just a front for selling smack to minors And the alcohol delivery van pulls up at ten everyday Drops off bottles of scotch at the door And takes the empties away The family really fell into disorder When Greg was arrested on the boarder Seems he was running guns for Fidel Castro Was his sixth order Was a terrible day when Jan was run over Victim of hit and run The Bradys could not believe their eyes When they looked down and saw what was done But they did not want to take the wrap from the cops They didn't want to take the heat So they took Jan's corpse out the backyard And buried it in the compost heap You know the game was done, the jig was up When the neighbours got suspicious and called the cops They raided late one Tuesday Found drugs in the bathroom, guns in the hallway Then when they went out the back They found Jan's corpse along with the smack We never saw them on tv again Their mail was marked care or federal pen The Brady Bunch, the Brady Bunch And the alcohol delivery van pulls up at ten everyday Drops off bottles of scotch at the door And takes the empties Takes the empties away

Elvis Presley, before he died He did the same thing every night Before he'd come out and sing for you He did a ding dang ding dang ding dang Diddlang doo diddlang doo He did a diddle addle iddle addle iddle addle Iddlang doo diddlang doo He did a ding dang ding dang ding dang Diddlang doo diddlang doo He did a diddle addle iddle addle Iddle addle iddlang doo Diddlang doo ding dang doo Neil Armstrong was a spaceman In his capsule, sitting on the can Before he stepped out on the moon He did a ding dang ding dang ding dang Diddlang doo diddlang doo He did a diddle addle iddle addle iddle addle Iddlang doo diddlang doo He did a ding dang ding dang ding dang Diddlang doo diddlang doo He did a diddle addle iddle addle Iddle addle iddlang doo Diddlang doo ding dang doo Donald Trump is full of shit And nobody knows what to do about it His doctor said if I were you I'd just shut up and do a Ding dang ding dang ding dang Diddlang doo diddlang doo Do a diddle addle iddle addle iddle addle Iddlang doo diddlang doo He did a ding dang ding dang ding dang Diddlang doo diddlang doo He did a diddle addle iddle addle Iddle addle iddlang doo Diddlang doo ding dang doo Jews Harp solo boy!......... Before you go to a dinner and dance And you don't want to go and shit your pants There's just one thing that you gotta do You gotta ding dang ding dang ding dang Diddlang doo diddlang doo You gotta diddle addle iddle addle iddle addle Iddlang doo diddlang doo You gotta ding dang ding dang ding dang Diddlang doo diddlang doo You gotta ding dang Ding dang ding dang Diddlang doo diddlang doo Ding dang doo Ding dang doo

You know that we're disgusting We're really fucking sick! It takes alot of toilet rolls to wipe up all our shit Cos we defecate, we menstruate, we ejaculate and excrete We're so disgusting and we're mostly made of meat We've got warts and moles and fleshy bulbs Our dicks go hard or flaccid To make something as weird as us God must have been on acid He must have been absolutely tripping balls! Shut up and play............... And if you want to have a baby Well that's disgusting too Right now I've got a powerful urge to fill you with my goo I want to fill you with my goo Cos we defecate, we menstruate, we ejaculate and excrete We're so disgusting and we're mostly made of meat

It's hard to have a wank When you're staring down the barrel of an M3 Bradley tank It's hard to get hard when there's a tank parked in your yard It's so hard to get hard And it's hard to go down to the shops When the place is cordoned off and surrounded by Special Ops Special Operations And it's hard to do your shopping and keep yourself from coughing When the nerve gas will always have it's way have it's way with you Now the city's on fire as far as I can see I think it's just been hit with a WMD W, M to the D! And it's hard to find your dwelling after all the shelling and the napalm Has burned you all away All away....... There's a guy at my door, he's knocking real hard Says he wants to sell me a brand new Jihad Fatawas going for a song I usually find it easy to ignore this But he's just gone and killed a Jehovah's Witness Ironically there were no witnesses The situation's getting rather farcical He's just been run over by a Mormon on a bicycle On a bicycle It's hard to have a wank When you're staring down the barrel of an M3 Bradley tank It's hard to get hard when there's a tank parked in your yard It's so hard to get hard when there's a tank parked in your Yard

A birthday in isolation, well that can really suck You sent out invitations, but nobody showed up You wondered and you wondered why your invites were rejected All your friends stayed at home cos they didn't want to get infected And I gave you a case of Corona, and you ran away in fear But it turns out all I gave you was a case of Mexican beer

Come home from work and then I kick off my shoes Tune my tv to the nightly news Can't believe all the shit I've seen Coming out of my tv screen Well people are shot and killed and maimed! The whole damn planet goes down the drain! While we just sit and see it live! Brought to you by Channel 5! Tune in now and see it live Brought to you by Channel 5 We're all crazy, you will see Tune in to your tv We got Dallas in the Palace or Home and Away We got new fashion products for which to pay This new game show will blow your mind Tune in now, leave reality behind We got a brand new brand of toothpaste That will cure all your plaque We got a brand new war in old Iraq We got 50 million missiles and WMDs Saw it all on my tv Tune in now and see it live Brought to you by Channel 5 We're all crazy, you will see Tune in to your tv This human race is kinda like a disease! We've all got jobs, but we've got no trees! Well fuck me! Now I can't breath! Choking watching my tv! My tv addiction, well I'm not alone You're probably right now on your mobile phone Twitter and Facebook and YouTube for free Can't stop watching our fucking screens! Can't stop watching our fucking screens! Can't stop watching our fucking! Screens!

The year is AD3019 Humanity has now become the machine I go out at night as my programming dictates To find a cyborg for a casual date I boot my disk as I walk in the place Where all the androids interface I see the latest model with turned up dials Boy, I'd really like to access her files! I said I had a program she might like to load We chatted for awhile in binary code She erased her protection I knew I was in. Very compatable Both IBM. Both IBM Both IBM. Both IBM We uploaded to my place Wanted to show I was willing and able Provocatively holding my ethernet cable But my anti virus software was an inferior copy Now my petabyte hard drive Has turned into a floppy!